As a coach and healer, I am frequently  allowed a very sacred glimpse into the lives and pain of others.  When I was new to coaching , I was astounded by how much tragedy existed in the lives of otherwise successful looking people.  Clients came to me wanting more success in their lives, yet felt that there was something holding them back.   Unresolved  “pain” kept beneath the surface, stuffed-away and denied WAS silently holding them back.   Once behind a closed door, the unloading begins, knowing that they are safe and that I am a healer, not a judge.   They have heard that Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and Energy Coaching can help quickly.  They are hopeful and open.  They leave lighter, clearer and in better touch with who they are.

Identity is a fragile and important part of the healing and personal development process.  Julia Cameron’s classic The Artists Way reminds us that self-definition is a major part of creative recovery.  Stripping away the ego and distilling down the true essence of the “higher self” is the key to creating a satisfying, comfortable and joyful life.

Yet we continue to resist who we really are! When we deny our true selves, we actually invite more suffering.  I know this to be true in my own life.  A disappointment or a lost opportunity will put me into a funk until I face up to it, accept it, see the lesson and choose to feel better.    I will often develop physical pain or discomfort to get my attention, steer me a new direction or to slow me down when I need to face the truth.  Stuffing away emotions with food or alcohol is another way that resisting the truth can do real harm to physical health.

Resisting your best self can be very painful all by itself.  Even if you don’t have a clue what you are resisting,  I suggest surrendering to that notion and using Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT  www.emofree.com), another favorite self-care treatment or positive affirmations to return to a better state of balance.

Allow me to recommend some effective questions to help you get in touch with your identity and higher purpose in a slightly different way:

1.  Think about something painful that you experienced recently.  If there was a life lesson connected to this pain, what might it be?

2.  List your top 10 most difficult or painful experiences so far in this life.  After each one of these indicate why it hurt and what emotion was connected.  Do you notice any common patterns?  Is the pain an integral part of your identity?  Take time to treat these pains with EFT self-care or by working with a competent practitioner.  You need not carry this burden through the remaining years of your life.

3.  Important  lessons  must often be repeated many times before we “get it”.    Are there some major themes to your lessons?  List them.

4.  If your life was trying to give you clues about your life purpose, what are some of those clues?

5.  How could others be served by the lessons you have already learned and conquered?  Give this some serious thought.  Your response will bring you closer to understanding why you are alive today and what purpose you are here to fulfill.

6.  What is still troubling you?  Create an affirmation statement reflecting triumph over this problem.  Repeat this statement daily while doing heart massage or EFT tapping to help integrate the new thought into your awareness.

Below are a few examples transforming troubles into triumphs:

Trouble:  I will never be good enough.  There is nothing special about me.

Triumph: I recognize the value of every person.    I accept myself and know I am valuable to the world.

Trouble:  I am lonely and may never find a partner to share life with me.

Triumph:  I am drawn to places where my partner is waiting for me.  As I seach for him/her, I am rewarded with other new and positive relationships.  I am always in good company.

Trouble:  I never have enough money.  Financial worries weigh me down

Triumph:  Money, gifts and freebies are flowing easily to me.  I am responsible and joyful as I earn, spend, save and share.  I am grateful for this blessing.

Last week I spoke to a group about the many benefits that come through having fun.  I referred to documented studies that show laughter (a direct result of fun) boosts the immune system.  I also noted that businesses incorporating fun into the workday enjoy higher productivity, fewer sick days, lower turnover and a boost to creativity and morale.  In this economy, we need fun more than ever.

As a coach, I have always strongly encouraged my clients to incorporate fun  into their specific plans and goals.  I practice what I preach.  Leading the Artists Way groups over the past 3 years has also helped me see the value of adding more fun into life through regular “artists dates”.

I still get a few blank stares from people who don’t have a clue how to have fun.  The good news is that I have a ton of fun ideas on hand that work for just about anybody,  no matter what time of the year it may be.

Today I challenged myself to come up with 100 fun ideas for June 2009.  Maybe you can find something on this list to inspire you.  My wish is that you also think of a few things that are missing, but certainly fun for you.

Challenge yourself to build more fun into your routines.  Today is a great day to get started.

1. Eat outdoors

2. Go barefoot

3. Plant a flower

4. Blow bubbles

5. Make sidewalk art with chalk

6. Run through a sprinkler

7. Wear a pony tail

8. Take a walk

9. Jog with a dog

10. Admire someone’s garden

11. Visit a garden center

12. Grow fresh herbs

13. Gather and arrange flowers

14. Grow a tomato plant

15. Roll down a grassy hill

16. Eat fresh strawberries

17. Listen to the breeze

18. Watch a birdfeeder

19. Sing while mowing the grass

20. Paint your toenails

21. Sit in a sunny place

22. Play hopscotch

23. Go to an afternoon matinee

24. Get an ice cream cone

25. Attend a street festival

26. Pack a picnic

27. Grill something

28. Make a pretty salad

29. Visit a farmers market and talk to a farmer

30. Skip instead of walk – see if anyone notices

31. Wear a funny hat

32. Play a favorite song on a Kazoo

33. Pick your own fruit at a farm

34. Take a kid to the zoo

35. Listen to the birds

36. Sit by a fan

37. Float in the water

38. Eat watermelon outside – spit the seeds as far as you can

39. Give a dog a bath

40. Let a wet dog shake all over you

41. Touch live plants

42. Read near a body of water

43. Pull some weeds

44. Wear bright colors and a tropical lei

45. Dry laundry outside

46. Enjoy a coffee break outdoors

47. Take silly photos – post on Facebook

48. Splash somebody (nicely of course)

49. Ride a bike

50. Put fruit slices in your water glass

51. Play fetch with a dog

52. Improve your game of Frisbee

53. Set up a miniature golf date

54. Make fresh lemonade

55. Open a lemonade stand

56. Eat a pop-sickle

57. Gaze at the stars

58. Catch lightening bugs

59. Help someone spread mulch

60. Listen to music

61. Smell flowers

62. Water some plants

63. Visit a new patio

64. Research local patio dining options

65. Make dinner reservations for patio dining

66. Admire a bird nest

67. Blow dandylion fluff

68. Wash your car and wax to a shine

69. Make a bonfire

70. Sit by a lake

71. Walk by a river

72. Go fishing

73. Feed ducks

74. Make a slushy frozen drink

75. Call someone you had fun with as a kid

76. Get a horn for your bike

77. Wear a sundress or Bermuda shorts

78. Stop at a garage sale

79. Send yourself a fun postcard

80. Notice all the beauty around you

81. Restore a surface with new paint

82. Explore a new part of your local park system

83. Press flowers and leaves in the Phone Book

84. Laugh out loud

85. Smile and say hi to strangers

86. Smile and say hi to animals you see

87. Listen to your 5 all-time favorite songs

88. Clean something until it shines

89. Dance like nobody’s watching

90. Blow bubbles with a drinking straw

91. Hunt for frogs and tadpoles

92. Catch a dragonfly. Observe and release

93. Jump rope

94. Climb a tree

95. Sit under a tree

96. Swing on a swing

97. Breathe Deeply, sigh loudly

98. Notice your favorite colors in nature. Give them interesting names

99. Make a stash of water balloons

100. Surprise someone with a water balloon.

There is something about a milestone that allows us to pause and notice the passing of time.  This year has brought an abundance of these to my life - 50th birthdays for both my husband and me, a 25th wedding anniversary, my son’s 21st birthday and my daughter’s high school graduation.   I’ve been thinking that it is a good thing that we take time to celebrate these special points in time by gathering for  meals, cakes,  toasts and  lively conversation.   We are lucky that life offers us these moments to witness the passage of time and the transitions of life.  More importantly, it lets us gather people we care about one more time.

As my husband and  I pulled together old photos to display on a memory board for my daughter’s upcoming graduation party, it was fun to remember all those childhood scenes.   We’ve sure had fun raising this daughter of ours.   It saddened me to think that there may be  people out there who won’t  go through this process until they have lost a loved one to death.  I immediately felt grateful to be celebrating Mandy’s  vibrant milestones in this present moment.  Believe me, she can be a royal pain in the *#%, but she is also a beautiful and strong person.    She’ll probably have strong opinions about the memory board we created for her — and not all of them pleasant.   I remind myself that much of her strength comes from knowing she is loved, no matter what.  It is safe for her to be difficult with me!  Regardless of what she thinks,  those milestone photos capture her journey very well.

I suppose there may come a dry spell in the milestones now that this big year has passed.   I have a feeling that we’ll always find a way to pause and celebrate something.   Milestones still emerge when we least expect them - like those first grey hairs.  We pause,  acknowledge, and then continue to move forward.

Memories exist in every moment.  It is the meaning we assign, and the learning that accompanies these moments  that engraves them on our souls.   Live deliberately so that your milestones are filled with love, hope and wonder and your days will  be most pleasant.

In 1980 I had the opportunity to study for a summer in Vienna Austria.   Learning the German language was a huge part of this immersion program.  While I haven’t retained much conversational ability, I have always had a favorite German word.  That word is “ vielleicht” and translates to mean “perhaps”.   It is used liberally in daily conversation, often as the first word in a sentence.  I remember  how much I loved the sound and feeling of this word.  It had such an uplifting quality.  I often wondered why it was not a word we use much in American English.

On Sunday I had the opportunity to hear Lama Surya Das, one of the foremost Western Buddhist meditation teachers speak at the ACEP conference in Orlando.   This is the man Dali Lama calls “the Western Lama”.   One of the key points in his discussion on the topic of Enlightened Living was that “perhaps” is a Divine word.  Suddenly,  I knew why I loved that German word so much.  It lives in my heart as a concept of hope.

What is it about “perhaps” that is so divine?  It implies an invitation for connection and even a little bit of seduction.  It holds a friendliness that is expansive, safe and kind.  It is open to possibilities with a full range of freedom and choices.

 I love the idea that we can reside in ”perhaps”  while we pause to make a choice, then take action.

 Perhaps is the beginning of change.

 We are facing multiple challenges as people and as a planet  these days. We are in a time  of radical change and that divine word ”perhaps”  is needed critically as we discern what is next.  We must open ourselves to creative possibilities and it  does not serve us well to be closed minded or clinging to old ways.  Old ways may have worked  before, but today we face a new world and a new way.  Our minds, hearts and souls must work in connection to decipher a code for a  comfortable transition.  It exists!  Perhaps is that potential.

I recommend that we all begin using “perhaps” more in our  thoughts, writing and conversation.  Think about how your own world opens and unfolds as  you do this.  The  larger world changes when we change.   We have more power than we know.  Perhaps it is time to use it!

 

 

 

 

This past weekend I had the honor of hosting a very diverse group of 25 women for a weekend retreat titled “It’s a Beautiful Life”. I came to the realization that this complex experience was nearly perfect as everything came together – weather, people, food, resources, natural beauty, healing, content and timing. I had created “a little slice of heaven” for these wonderful people! A vision resulted in physical manifestation once again.

I particularly loved how well all of the participants got along. They mingled so comfortably from the very beginning. Groups would form, connect then separate to naturally form new clusters. Cliques did not exist. I realized that everyone felt like they could sit with anybody and feel accepted, comfortable and in a safe place. That is indeed the true definition of beauty and it doesn’t cost a dime. It simply came through my intention. That realization brought tears to my eye as I wrote in my journal this morning.

My life purpose is about creating those slices of heaven.

During the weekend our group watched the powerful film “The Secret Life of Bees” which provided outstanding examples of unconditional acceptance of diversity: observation without judgment and the healing power of love. It reinforced the message of blissful co-existence and helped me realize my gift as a facilitator to create a place where people can be themselves, open their hearts and express their true nature – even in the presence of strangers. The key characters in this film were exquisite examples of the diverse strength and beauty I saw unfolding in our own group at Lakeside:

Lily (Dakota Fanning): The vulnerable one with the open heart. Hurt yet full of hope that love could be hers. She is attracted to love like a bee to honey. She is an incredible intuitive and follows her heart.

August (Queen Latifa): The strong grounded one. Assuring, loving, and patient, she holds the space for healing. She is a deeply present force and a natural leader. Also a confident intuitive

May (Sophie Okonedo): The highly sensitive one.  She feels the pain of the world with great intensity.  Fortunately she also has a process for releasing her pain.  She is equally sensitive to beauty and gifted at expressing pure joy.

June (Alecia Keys):  The cautious and judgemental one.  She creates enormous boundaries around her to guard her from hurt.  She wants love but fears the pain.

Rosaleen (Jennifer Hudson):  She is the witness and loyal friend.  She accepts, listens, and quietly bonds to each of the other characters.  She adds the glue that solidifies any group she is part of.

Imagine my delight this morning when I saw this quote from President Obama’s address to the Notre Dame Graduating Class of 2009!

“When we open our hearts and our minds to those who may not think like we do or believe what we do – that’s when we discover at least the possibility of common ground.”

YES WE CAN!

It’s just about  impossible to be perfect.  Trying to be perfect drains energy and stirs up negative emotions too.  It is one of the reasons creative people often find themselves blocked.   Accepting our faults, limits and imperfections is a way we can lighten up, attract more and get our energy back too.  Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a great way to help that process.

Yesterday I worked with an Artists Way study group using an EFT treatment sequence on perfection and was inspired to record it.   This is the actual recording as it came through me working with the group.  I do not pre-write these treatment sequences, but rather they flow through me.  Notice that it’s not perfect, but it gets at many of the aspects of perfection that drain us.

I am sharing it with you here, both as an audio file and as a written script.  Feel free to treat yourself with the recording and make sure to say the phrases out loud.    If you need an EFT tapping chart diagram,  just send me an email and I’ll get one out to you pronto.  Click on the link below for the audio.

EFT treatment audio for perfectionists

Set Up Statements (rub sore spot or tap karate chop point)Even though I will never be perfect, and I keep trying anyway…I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose to love who I am right now.

Even though it’s impossible to be perfect and I can’t even come close to being perfect, I deeply and completely accept myself and all my imperfections, and I forgive myself for trying to be something other than what I am now.

Even though there are so many people who live life better than I do, and there are plenty of people who tell me what I did wrong, and my own mind criticizes constantly. I choose to let it go and love and accept myself right now anyway, knowing I am doing the best I can.

I choose to let go of unreasonable standards. I choose to move on seeing the beauty of what I have going on. Knowing that the “Master Plan” put me here, exactly as I am.

Negative Round:

I’m not good enough (top of head)

I make mistakes. I make more mistakes than I should (3^rd eye)

I am full of fear. I avoid risks because I want to be perfect. I can’t mess anything up. (eyebrow)

I am ashamed when I am not perfect. I try so hard, and still I am not perfect. (side of eye)

I can’t be trusted. I will mess it up (under eye)

I am not good enough. I’ll never be good enough. I’ll always find something wrong There’s plenty of other people who will too. (under nose)

It’s not safe to do what’s in my heart. It will be torn apart. It’s easier to do nothing. Then I am closer to perfect. I could perfectly do nothing.(under lip)

I’ve got to let it go. I’ve got to be me. I am supposed to be exactly the way I am. With all these flaws, all these questions, all these imperfections.(collarbone)

I can learn something from my defects. I can teach others through my defects. I can accept these defects and be a role model for somebody. (underarm)

Or I can just be angry about it. I can be nasty, I can scream & yell, and then forgive myself and move on (under breast)

Positive Round:

I am good enough, exactly the way I am(top of head)

If I would just settle down I would get more great information. Relax and breathe and get my download (3^rd eye)

When spirit works through me it’s pretty perfect. I want that to happen more (eyebrow)

I forgive myself completely. I forgive myself for being who I am. No apology necessary. I am here for a reason. (side of eye)

I can be trusted to create something good. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Flaws are interesting.(under eye)

People trust me and like me and respect me because I am a normal human being. I make mistakes just like they do. I am not perfect. I never was and neither are they. We are all alike. It’s nice to be human.(under nose)

It’s not about the show. It’s about being, feeling, inspiring myself for my best work. And deciding to put it out there whenever (under lip)

I decide when it is finished, and I’m not finished. It’s a work in progress. Always a work in progress. I am proud of my progress (collarbone)

Everything is a learning experience. Consciousness development is a human experience. (underarm)

I share well. I share who I am with the world. Exactly the way it is. Take it or leave it. This is my stuff, exactly the way I created it and it is good. I’ll accept your compliments later.(under breast)

Betsy B Muller, MBA, CEC 440-238-4731 www.theindigoconnection.com

One of the essential concepts that I try to practice and teach as a healing professional has to do with preparing the right environment or “sacred space” to contain the process. Certainly any purposeful gathering of people can improve considerably if we simply take a moment to be fully present and set the stage for what is to come. This applies to business meetings, classes, lectures, small groups, one on one client sessions AND for your own self-care routines, meditation or prayer routine. It is a process of deliberate presence.

Honoring that each person has their own unique set of beliefs and background, setting the stage includes respectfully allowing each person to feel comfortable in the environment. It is up to you to choose how you will create a space for your own miracles. I offer the following ideas for your consideration. Pick one or several. Consider the context of your goals, the participants and certainly be practical. There are many paths to the right answer. Go in with the intention of creating a space that builds rapport, creates safety and allows comfort.

1. Clear the energy in the space. Open a window, light a candle, burn incense, use essential oils or smudge with sage or sweetgrass to clear and prepare spaces for healing work. Soft lighting, sounds, music, tones, chimes, and voice can also be helpful in shifting the energy to a more healing nature.  You can also clear the energy by simply setting a clearing intention.

2. Pause to breathe and become present. You might choose to place your palms over the heart. Close the eyes and be fully in your body. Honor whatever you may feel and accept it as your present truth. Consider the power we could bring to our business meetings if we simply took a moment to breathe before we jumped into the agenda!

3. Set intentions. Ask for space and time to create a positive experience. Know what you want to do. In business we have agendas. In your healing work you can also have an agenda, but consider it a “soft” one based on your intentions rather than a specific outcome.

4. Connect with a higher power. Honoring the beliefs of those involved, this can include God, Divine Mother, Jesus, archangels, angels, guides, power animals, universal life force energy or healing symbols.

5. Anchor the Space. Some healers like to invoke a pyramid of light anchored at each corner by a powerful archangel. Others may prefer to invoke a bubble of light. You may also choose to bring in an image of a special healing place that you carry in your heart. Think of this part as establishing a container that can safely hold the energy of what is about to occur.

6. Ask for resources. As you create the perfect setting, open yourself to intuition, ideas, help, synchronicity, and opportunity. Imagine that you are opening a door and all that you need is lining up to support you. What would you like to have access to if the answer was “yes”?

7. Surrender and Release. Let go of what you can’t control, what seems impossible, the distractions, the disappointments, and those long-standing battles with your tormentors. Be aware of what has drained you and give it up for healing and transformation.

8. Affirm. Begin to see what you desire as if it has already happened and already exists. This can be a bank balance, a published book, a vacation, an important decision, a partner or a physical miracle of your choosing. Create words of affirmation, express gratitude and accept the energy of the blessing you are creating in your mind.

9. Engage in the Work. Whether it is a healing intervention, a meeting or a group seminar, this is where you conduct your program. Your time of preparation helps each person participate in and witness the process more fully. Some healing will have likely happened before you even began this step.

10. Close with gratitude and reverence.  Be thankful for the time and resources that came together. Remain hopeful about those things may not yet be complete. Appreciate the experience for what it was.

I consider myself a very creative person, but recently I caught myself with a really toxic negative belief about my own creative process. I found myself believing that creativity takes a huge amount of deliberate time and effort. I soon realized that true creativity is just the opposite – it is more of a process of letting go and letting something flow through you.

I had been putting quite a bit of time into working on new material for an important 30 minute presentation I was to deliver for six upcoming Cleveland Clinic staff appreciation luncheons. I was pushing myself pretty hard to get the content, timing and delivery down just right so I would be ready for that first luncheon on April 20. It was hard to imagine the room and the needs of that 500+ person audience. This was the audience I had hoped for, and also the one I feared.

I could feel my creative self getting suffocated by the pressure I was placing on myself to be perfect. Funny how my body also reacted by giving me a nasty headache and shoulder tension the night before that first big talk. Pain and tension is very unusual for me and I am conscious enough to get a grip when my body starts to speak to me.

It was time to surrender and trust. I had practiced, I had a message, and I had done enough. The rest was in the hands of a higher power. I asked for that power to be there for me during the presentation, and I went to bed.

As I awoke the morning of the first presentation, things were much better. I pampered myself with a hot neck wrap and I tapped EFT meridian points with positive affirmations. New ideas began to flow to me as I fine-turned my message. A few hours later, facing the audience, it seemed as though I had done this hundreds of times before. I was able to hold their attention and involve them in the message. I felt safe and exhilarated. All was well and the feedback was strong. I felt so grateful for the energy that magically showed up to get me through this challenging assignment.

I opened my journal this morning and made a simple request:

God, please take my pen today and let something great flow through me.

A beautiful download followed. I’ll plan to share that in another new blog soon.

I looked up the word consciousness in the dictionary today.  It has multiple meanings, but all of them have something to do with the concept of AWARENESS which involves the senses.

If we really are aware, we are also in the ideal state to make good choices. This is also the best way to be for activating your thought so that the Law of Attraction kicks into play.

Collectively, as society gets more conscious, I suppose good things will happen for individuals and for all of humanity too.    Perhaps you have heard or read about the dawning of a new cycle predicted by the Mayans for the end of 2012?  Some are saying this means disaster will strike, however I like to believe that the growing consciousness of humanity is part of the dawning of this new era.  The people of this planet are  literally teaming-up for the common good in ways we have never cooperated before to respond to the world’s problems.  This internet is helping make this possible in new ways every day.  This is true consciousness.

Allow me to help you do your part.  I have recorded a healing meditation using Z-Point Process to facilitate your conscious awareness.  Listen and repeat the key word, “NOW”,  with me after each statement.  Enjoy!

Synchronity happens all the time.  Are you catching your fair share of it?

Just today I was looking for something to inspire me for the day.   I remembered that my mom had given me a daily Lenten devotional booklet from her church, and decided to take a look to see what had been written for April 2.  To my surprise, my mom’s story - “14 Rainbows” appeared as the entry!  Funny how that booklet had been sitting on my desk for 30 days and I decided to pick it up and turn to her page for my inspiration!  It was no accident.  I know there’s some powerful force that sets me up for these encounters.

Here’s another synchronity — as part of leading chapter 4 of The Artists Way study group, we are instructed to take a week of “reading deprivation” as a way to explore switching our habits.  I totally forgot to not read the newspaper this morning, because this is a habit that is deeply etched into my routine.  Imagine my delight when I saw that my dog Gracie’s photo and profile was featured as the “Pet of the Week” in our local paper.  I would have missed it had I been abiding with reading deprivation.  I quickly realized that I better stop reading the paper, but my conclusion is that fate made sure I didn’t miss this little bright spot for the day.  I am certainly grateful and my whole family got a nice laugh.